Come Christmas morning, I have to admit, I find the thrill of digging through a filled stocking almost more fun than opening the presents. One fun trinket after another (and there better be a damn chocolate orange in there). And yes, I may be in my 30’s but I still get a stuffed stocking. This year, fill your loved one’s with booze.
Just because the gift is small, doesn’t mean it’s cheap. A personal crystal shaker? Yes please and thank you. Now a little bourbon to fill it with. And a bourbon candle for extra bourbon-y goodness. Need to take that wine on the go (to your kid’s Christmas pageant?)? Got you covered. And if you can’t finish it all, put some lips on it. Expensive, bronze lips. Stir it all up with a few choice cacti and put a sock on it.
What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours but let’s not use a sharpie to personalize our cups anymore.
Instead, let’s engrave our barware, and hey, even our tequila! Vodka your thing? Say Merry Chrismukkah or whatever holiday you’re celebrating this year with bright LED lights flashing all over your liquor bottle. Drink so much of your bespoke homemade gin you forgot where you live? Put your street map on your rocks glass and never be lost again! And when you’ve just got to show off with glitter, say it with a big ass custom banner.
There’s a sizable stash of holiday movies in our house and I can’t throw them away…even if they are crappy transfers on DVD (or VHS!!!). If you hoard holiday classics, especially any of those 1960’s classics, you’ll recognize this song title. And if you don’t, who cares! Let’s get gifting…
Everyone wishes for silver and gold, so let’s add some sparkle to your holiday cocktails shall we? From glistening glasses, to heavy metal pineapples, and don’t forget the bottles that are pouring your booze! How do you measure its worth? Just by the pleasure it gives here on Earth (or your bar cart).
Technology can improve lives, make your day more efficient, or throw you down a hole filled with cartwheel fails. So! Let’s begin our annual holiday gift guides with a few boozy gadgets.
Technology brings us DUI savers and where Han Solo keeps his secret stash (well, maybe someday). A jackets that keep your beer cold and cocktail shakers that light up bold. You can pour yourself a perfectly layered shot, or impress your friends with a clear ice block. Glasses that freeze themselves? Yes! You can get them. Now sit back, spritz a little lemon in your glass, pour yourself a sparkly cocktail and catch up on Youtube videos of cats in pajamas or dogs that play pianos. Thanks technology!
Creaking door noises. Ghoulish wails. Someone breaking your favorite antique champagne coupe! THE HORROR!!!
Halloween is a holiday that transitions nicely from childhood to your drinking years. But don’t think that means you need to be serious. Are you a mad scientist this year? Perfect, there’s some glassware for that. Going more the cannibal route? Then giant skull punch bowl it is! If you’re done with the silly stuff, then make sure your booze is wearing a little black dress, and then decide whether to risk the nice glasses for serving or just some fancy paper cups instead. Me, I’ll be serving up some blood… blood oranges that is. Happy Haunting folks!
Tight on space? One does not need to call in the team at Hometime to knock down some walls and put in plumbing just so you can use your fancy glasses come cocktail hour. Craft a home bar for a small space with a handful of useful, and, obviously, fun pieces.
You’re drinking in the living room/home office/kitchen and chances are you’ll need a table there. But what if it was also your bar? And inside the glasses doubled as measuring cups and you had ONE tool that did just about everything? No room for full bottles? That’s what the half bottles are for; you can store those anywhere. Your ice bucket can also double as a storage vessel when not in use: bonus if it looks like a work of art (your friends won’t know the difference). And all those beer bottles? Hang ’em up out of the way. Just be mindful when doing cartwheels after a couple Daiquiris.
…Because nothing says I love you more than beating a brightly colored donkey until booze falls out of it.
Are you having that oh crap moment where you just remembered you need to buy some meaningless gift for someone by Saturday? Well, if you miss the date, make up for it with something so amazing they’ll totally forget they might dump you come Tuesday. A sexy bottle of Absinthe perhaps? What about a slightly sexualized cocktail shaker? And if you get to smooching, coat your lips in some Old Fashioned-flavored lip balm. If all else fails, gather up your friends and spend your hard earned cash on a gilded mid-century ice bucket. You deserve it.
I may not be the biggest lover of beer, but boy do I have a lot of friends who absolutely obsess over it. You might too. So this list is for YOU!
The accoutrements are important: the right glass, the right koozie (or is it cozy? or coozy? or.. whatever), the right growler, that coaster that tells people to stay the hell away cause that is YOUR glass. If you’re looking for a gift that keeps on giving, a subscription is always nice. And for that person who is never happy with what you give them, well, then they can make their own damn beer.
While I seem to be spending all my time lately helping you figure out what YOU should be getting this holiday season, I only see it as fair that I share what I want too.
Give me a little pop of color for when I’m by the pool; I don’t mind acrylic if it means all day cocktailing and never leaving my giant lime wheel float. But when I want to get fancy, I’ll need that stack of champagne coupes and, albeit it predictably so, a bottle of Veuve Clicquot. Also, a place to perch myself please, with some shiny bar tools nearby and some personalized drink stirrers so I know which drink is mine. And if Santa’s feeling extra generous, that Cartier Punch Bowl set looks might fine.
So you’re a high roller. A baller. Actually, I don’t really understand what any of that means. But if you just won in big in Vegas and have gobs of cash to spend decorating your home bar, let me help. Also, did you know I make drinks for hire? Let’s chat.
You can buy yourself a brand new pair of lungs; lucky you. Let’s put that ash out on a Hermes ashtray then while you are sipping on the ridiculously expensive Dalmore 62 you just grabbed from your crystal desktop bar. Unless of course your butler just pushed in your 70’s vintage bar cart with some bubbly ready to pop. And when you’re ready to head out the door and mix up some drinks for friends…well, you have that well crafted bar bag ready at hand.