Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fanta of the Opera/ Fanta of the Paradise

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fanta of the Opera & Fanta of the Paradise // stirandstrain.comWell kids, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen a Low Rent Cocktail around these parts and Halloween seems like the right time to throw one at you.

I can’t take the credit for this month’s name; it’s all my husband’s doing. And appropriately so. See, this month we are celebrating 10 years together. Just how did this man woo this lady? Strange movie dates. Our first date he asked me to go see this limited release movie from the guy behind office space (that movie was Idiocracy and although when I found out what we were seeing I thought to myself, really? For a first date? I said yes to a second.). Our second date was a screening of Phantom of the Paradise. This movie is strange, but more so up my alley. I think after these first two dates we actually started doing normal date things like going out to eat but these two back to back dates are a small part of why I kept saying yes to another date.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fanta of the Opera & Fanta of the Paradise // stirandstrain.comAwwww. How sweet. Now on to the ridiculous cocktails.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fanta of the Opera & Fanta of the Paradise // stirandstrain.comHalloween means excessive sweets and bad taste, and that’s just what these two Low Rent Cocktails have to offer you. First up we have the Fanta of the Opera staring, you guessed it: Fanta Soda and because we’re trying oh so hard to be fancy with our cheap plastic masks and not flame retardant costumes, we’re bringing out the Italian Vermouth. It’s fancy because it comes from Italy.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fanta of the Opera & Fanta of the Paradise // stirandstrain.comFanta of the Opera

1 part Cinzano Dry Vermouth
3 parts Fanta Grapefruit Soda

Pour over ice in a highball glass or whatever hollowed out gourd you having laying around.


Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fanta of the Opera & Fanta of the Paradise // stirandstrain.com

And for today’s double dose of trouble we have the Fanta of the Paradise. Rock stars. Revenge. Gore. What more could you ask for in a cocktail movie? Plus it’s strawberry and coconut flavored, just like your spring break paradise.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fanta of the Opera & Fanta of the Paradise // stirandstrain.comFanta of the Paradise

1 part Malibu Rum
3 parts Fanta Strawberry Soda

Pour over ice in a highball glass or the skull of your enemy.

***If you want to add some spooky pizazz to your cocktails, feel free to throw some dry ice in. Just please dear god do not drink the dry ice or you’ll be taking a trip to the emergency room instead of drinking and that is NO FUN.

Hope you all have a fun Halloween! Stay safe!

 

The Low Rent Cocktail series is an occasional column on Stir and Strain where the boundaries of “good taste” are pushed to the limit, or more often than not, pushed out the window. Enjoy at your own risk.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Shark Toof

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Shark Toof // stirandstrain.comDid you know there are only 23 days left until Shark Week?! Because this is a thing! Get the foam fins ready! Set your DVR to record whatever programming will be on! Make… a cocktail!!!!!

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Shark Toof // stirandstrain.comIn the spirit of made up holidays and network cable’s ability to hype just about anything, this month I’m priming you with the exact kind of cocktail you need to watch sharks turn into zombies and then rip apart other sharks and then talk about shark feelings. July is right around the corner folks, so let’s do this! Low Rent Cocktail style!

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Shark Toof // stirandstrain.comSo you spend more time in front of the t.v. and less time in your home bar/kitchen/beach themed utility room, this drink helps you out by starting with a Starbucks run. Depending on where you live, you can either make the base vanilla, or if you’re feeling pretty tropical that day, coconut cream. And since I like to feel tropical every day, you’re going to spike that with a hefty dose of light rum.

But what about the sharks?!

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Shark Toof // stirandstrain.comTo truly enjoy your shark viewing experience, get out the bag of blue gummy sharks and let those guys dive right into your drink. Feel free to use a cocktail pick for your harpoon.Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Shark Toof // stirandstrain.com

1 small (“tall”) vanilla or coconut blended beverage (get whipped cream and stir that into the drink too)
2-3 ounces of light rum, such as 10 Cane Rum
handful of Gummy Blue Sharks

  • Your choice: throw the rum into your plastic cup and add the sharks, or if you’re feeling fancy, pour it all into an oversized Margarita glass and have your sharks swim on top.

The Low Rent Cocktail series is an occasional column on Stir and Strain where the boundaries of “good taste” are pushed to the limit, or more often than not, pushed out the window. Enjoy at your own risk.

Low Rent of the Month: Fireball Cider

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fireball Cider // stirandstrain.com

Apples and cinnamon. AH! The flavors of Fall. Until…well, this month’s Low Rent Cocktail.

Ok, let me come clean here. For the most part, a Low Rent Cocktail is an over-the-top, “you should only drink this if you’re in college” sort of drink. Sometimes, yes, they actually come out tasting good (see here and here), but mostly they’re a cheap, quick way to get booze from your mouth to your brain. Today’s cocktail concoction is not mine. In fact, this may even be served at a bar near you. Its inspiration comes from a recent visit from my parents, who know I write this blog and read this site daily and yet that does not deter me from speaking about them regardless of the phone call coming soon after I hit publish. Anyway, Christopher took my father out to play pool (which they are both preternaturally good at playing) and after several hours came back and sheepishly told me about a “cocktail” that was tried at a local pool hall.Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fireball Cider // stirandstrain.com

The “cocktail” (and I am for sure using those quotes here for a reason) was a glass of Angry Orchard to which a large shot of Fireball Whiskey was added. Let’s not get huffy about what constitutes a cocktail. You can make a G&T by taking a large glass of tonic and plopping a shot of gin in it, essentially creating that drink. But is this seasonally appropriate take on a Boilermaker good enough to make itself fall into the category of “cocktail”? Well, it’s good enough for a Low Rent version at least!Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fireball Cider // stirandstrain.com

And this is where I must confess, and oh, lo!, do I brace myself for the feedback on this, but it’s not bad.Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fireball Cider // stirandstrain.com

So when you’re out at your next weekend apple picking/end of daylight savings/whatever we’re calling this party-party, and your host breaks out the handle of Fireball (cause that is really happening) and you brought that hard cider 6 pack… then you know what you’re making for cocktails.Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fireball Cider // stirandstrain.com

12 ounces hard apple cider, chilled (Angry Orchard Traditional Dry used here)
1-2 nips of Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey (or a hefty 2 ounce shot)

In a pint glass, combine chilled cider and whiskey. Serve.

And Happy Halloween folks! Be safe!

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Fireball Cider // stirandstrain.com
PLOP!

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: The Boca Shake

Boca Shake Cocktail - Low Rent Cocktail of the Month // stirandstrain.comFlorida always seemed to be the place where grandparents retired to on sitcoms when I was growing up. Isn’t that where Jerry Seinfeld’s parents retired? My family, living in New England, thought moving to another humid climate was stupid and find their retirement homes out in the deserts of the Southwest. But I digress. Florida still is associated in my mind with two things: Disney and old folks. (I try not to think about their politics.)

Sometime over the past year or so I picked up a bottle of Licor 43 and was completely baffled by what the owner told me when I was thinking of things to do with it. Without a hint of a smile, he told me the geriatric crowd mixes Licor 43 and milk together. Like a shake or Orange Julius. It has an ABV of 31% so it’s not like it won’t give your grandma a pick me up, but the thought of trying this just always seemed so weird to me. So, in stepped the Low Rent Cocktail.Boca Shake Cocktail - Low Rent Cocktail of the Month // stirandstrain.com

My grandparents used to have cocktail parties when they were Mad Men-ing their lives back in the early 60’s, but now when I come to visit they mainly just have a hefty jug of red wine that gets brought out when we sit down to play dominoes. It’s my belief they ply me with jug wine so that I don’t have a chance of beating them. I can totally see them sipping a few of these, only, I think they’d make it with Lactaid.Boca Shake Cocktail - Low Rent Cocktail of the Month // stirandstrain.com

Low Rent Cocktails do not always have to be the crappiest of what you have in your liquor cabinet; they can also be what you make do with. I guess for the Florida crowd, making do with with Licor 43 and cream is just something they’re Ok with. For this LRC I decided to inject some pep into it with Orange Crush because…well, it’s Orange Crush! Why the hell not?

Truth be told, it’s pretty Ok. Think about the last time you had an Orange Julius at the mall. Well, try and think that far back I guess. It’s a lot like that. But with booze. Not only does this seem a fitting drink for the Boca Raton crowd, but it’s a fitting drink for all you legal age kids trying to figure out how to make a creamsicle get you loaded.Boca Shake Cocktail - Low Rent Cocktail of the Month // stirandstrain.com

So let’s make one!

1 ounce Licor 43
4-6 ounces Orange Crush soda pop
1 ounce heavy cream

In a highball glass filled with ice. Build the drink by pouring in the Licor 43. Add soda and cream. Stir to combine. Sit back and fan away the mosquitos and try not to think about alligators in your toilet.

Check back in next month for another late summer concoction, or check back through the archives for some more Low Rent Cocktails.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Muscle Milk-Nog

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Muscle Milk-Nog // stirandstrain.comRight now is that fine line between pushing the holiday spirit to its limits and bemoaningly starting your New Year’s resolutions. Let me help you out with this one.

In my fridge there are usually a few bottles of the protein shake known as “Muscle Milk”; these do not belong to me. Months back Christopher joined a gym and this is his post-workout drink of choice. Mine is usually a Manhattan. If you have joined a gym, or started on some workout regimen this week, you might also be stocking these in your fridge. You are also probably the kind of guy who likes to crush beer cans on your forehead and therefore do not own a proper cocktail glass. Please continue reading.

If you’ve run out of the carton of egg nog you were using as a coffee creamer (or a dare), you might not be aware that this protein shake makes an excellent substitute. Not convinced? Well just add a whole raw egg to it and throw in some rum. You can feel like Rocky jogging in place with the theme song running through your head as you convince yourself this is an excellent idea for a post-workout drink. Or a breakfast shake. This can double as that too so you can hang on to the holidays just a little bit longer. I’d say grate some nutmeg on top but who are we kidding? You don’t own a microplane.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Muscle Milk-Nog // stirandstrain.com

Feel the burn:
One bottle of Muscle Milk, flavor of your choice, with at least two big gulps taken from it
1 raw egg, organic
2 oz. Amber Rum, such as Mount Gay Eclipse

To make, take a few big gulps from the bottle of Muscle Milk to leave room for the other ingredients. Crack open the egg and pour whites and yolk directly into the liquid. Add rum and screw the cap back on. Shake really hard; might as well get a couple reps in. Unscrew the cap and gulp it back.

You can now feel good about starting on your resolutions while still stubbornly clinging to last month’s festive cocktails. Enjoy!

**Post NOT sponsored by Muscle Milk.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Candy Corn Shooters

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Candy Corn Shooters // stirandstrain.com

Hey kids! This months Low Rent Cocktail is a layup. That Halloween party you threw Saturday night? You’re going to have one rager of a hangover Sunday morning. The solution: more booze. And candy. Candy is always the answer. Just before you passed out into oblivion I bet you tossed a bunch of candy corn into an almost empty solo cup of vodka. Well, that sat overnight and turned into a magical elixir… of candy corn syrup… that you can shoot back and start your day. Ok, first you need to take off that Vampira makeup. Or are you still in your Teen Wolf costume? Either way, this drink is going to put things back into perspective.

Maybe next you should go find a chili dog.

2 oz. of Vodka or any clear spirit
small handful of candy corn

Toss the candy corn into the vodka and let that sit overnight, or at least 4 hours. The candy should have broken down at this point, so give it a stir, and toss it back.

It’s a thick, syrupy, candy corn flavored elixir. Unless you plopped your candy corn in some rum, then it’s going to be rum and candy corn flavored. You get the idea.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Candy Corn Shooters // stirandstrain.com

Happy Halloween everyone! If you need some monster-inspired music, check out the #songaday selections on my Twitter.

Cocktails will resume in November!

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: The Lohan

The Lohan - Low Rent Cocktail of the Month// stirandstrain.comMy younger sister could not be more different from me. We just look at the world from very different perspectives, and neither one of us is bothered by this. She was always the more social of us. The keg-stand, bar brawling, woo-hooing kind of partier. I had John Waters, photography and my own bottles of liquor I didn’t feel the need to share with anyone else. My distaste of beer during my high school years ostracized me pretty immediately from a lot of our peers (when I say younger sister, there is a less than a two year difference between our ages so there was some overlap with friends). And when they branched out from beer, that was pretty much to concoctions based around Southern Comfort and soda. When I think of my sister and cocktails, I think of this drink.

The Pop Rocks here are added for sensationalism. You know what they do? They SPIT IN YOUR FACE when you add them to this drink. That’s so young Hollywood starlet of them. Stand over the glass and try it. To me, this is also a super girly drink. My sis would swig this down, and then maybe punch a guy out for not holding open a door for her. The name and drink are also inspired from an Instagram conversation I stumbled upon. Local bar La Descarga, for their monthly Tiki night, created a list of drinks based on red-headed beauties like Lucille Ball and Jessica Rabbit. And punctuating the end of that list was Lindsay Lohan. A line from another follower summed that up with … “I thought a lohan was a red headed slut and coke”. What a perfect name for a Low Rent Cocktail. And perfect ingredients, Some SoCo and Coke. The coke here taking on a double meaning. Clearly. The Lohan - Low Rent Cocktail of the Month// stirandstrain.com

So, for the Low Rent Cocktail of the month, I present the Lohan.

2 oz. Southern Comfort
3 oz. Coca-Cola
half a packet of strawberry pop rocks, or more if desired.

In a double rocks glass filled with ice, build the drink by adding the Southern Comfort first, then coke. Perhaps stand back a ways as you pour in the pop rocks. They will explode a bit.

A sugary strawberry explosion in your mouth. That is what you get with the Lohan.

My sister could probably party Lindsay Lohan under the table. Right now she can’t because she’s about to give birth to her first child. But even pregnant she’d rip the drink right out of Lohan’s hand and pour it over her head if she felt disrespected. Actually, she’d probably just do it because the opportunity was there. The original title to this post was just going to be “A Red Headed Slut and Coke”. I didn’t name it that simply because I knew what kind of traffic that would have brought in. Large numbers, but misdirected. Stayed tuned for the Holiday Editions of the Low Rent Cocktails, promising to bring shame to you who imbibe them.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: The Snowden

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: The Snowden // stirandstrain.comAt this point in the news I’m sure someone has already taken this name for a cocktail. And the idea, let’s be honest here, sticking a popsicle in liquor is fine, but I think we all are taking it a bit too seriously (ahem, Pinterest people?). So for this month’s Low Rent Cocktail, I’m knocking this instagramming sensation down to where it needs to be: the frozen treats section of Ralph’s Grocery store.

This started as a joke, a drunk joke, and now is ending up here on the site, still as a joke. I haven’t posted a Low Rent Cocktail for awhile and as the lazy, late Summer days are passing us by with growing ferocity, I thought I’d post this lazy way to get your drink on.

Russia, meet your American Firecracker.

2-1/2 oz. Stolichnaya Vodka, chilled
1 Red, White & Blue Firecracker Popsicle

Pour chilled vodka into a collins glass. Add popsicle. Get paranoid about your last telephone call or email. Take a valium. Note: do not call anyone about taking a valium.

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: The Snowden // stirandstrain.com

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: Jesus Juice

jesus juice cocktail // stir and strainMarch seems to scream Irish Car Bombs for the Low Rent Cocktail of the month, but seeing as we’ve covered Jameson and Baileys already, I thought we’d tackle Easter instead. Apart from bunnies and eggs, I’m sure there is a large part of the population who actually think JESUS for this holiday (think of the man, not just proclaim the name). So today we get to know the abomination that is Jesus Juice.

I have a feeling we may have just cleared the room a bit with this post. But let us carry on.
Trying to find a ‘recipe’ for this started to border on ridiculous as you will find that everyone has their own version. I laugh when I see people trying to be fancy. Put the Cassis DOWN people. You cannot gussie this up! I recalled there being wine involved. And soda pop. Maybe there was Everclear in this too? Oof, maybe it’s smart to steer away from the Everclear.jesus juice players
Like most of the Low Rent Cocktails, I just threw everything together, closed my eyes and took a sip. I didn’t die, but I wanted to.
Red Wine meet Diet Dr. Pepper.
4 oz Red Wine (Malbec)
4 oz Diet Doctor Pepper
Build over ice in a double rocks glass.
jesus juice2
Depending on what cola and wine you use, there will be varying levels of sweet and spicy. I imagine if you find red wine too strong, this is one way to water that down. Dr. Pepper and Malbec resulted in a syrupy, peppery concoction that had me exclaiming a couple names from the Holy Trinity.
More research would show how this morphed from a drink I’m familiar with in some older blues songs called Wine Spodieodie, a mixture of cheap red wine and whatever you have got around to make it taste good. It’s also a fantastic song, covered by so many talented musicians over the years. You can read a bit about it here if you’re interested in old blues and such.
Happy Easter! jesus juice napkin

Low Rent Cocktail of the Month: A Shot of C

emergency-lrc-1I have a small staff that I manage at my day job. They’re an amusing lot. Conversations tend to be about food, not surprising considering where we work, my confessions of trashy tv I’ve been watching lately and occasionally cocktails. The other day my main assistant, or at least the one I yell over at the most, was describing “cocktails” that he and his roommates make at home and immediately I figured I’d use one for this month’s LRC.

Besides the obvious Red Bull and Vodka which I believe was one of their first choices for drinks at home, one rather timely cocktail for this winter was the combination of Emergen-C and vodka. To paraphrase my assistant, “It’s surprisingly good”.

So in the name of curiosity, here we go…

1 packet of orange flavored Emergen-C
2-1/2 oz. vodka, chilled

Mix the two in a small rocks glass and shoot it back. No need to sip this one.

While this “cocktail” isn’t made with real citrus, it is close enough to fit in with the current theme of citrus cocktails. Right? Right. There’s vitamins in there somewhere.

Flavor-wise you’re looking at what you’d expect to taste with one of those vitamin packs, backed by a throat-ripping burn of vodka. FYI, do NOT ever drink this room temp.

emergencypack