One week from tomorrow it’s OK to carry around a riding crop and wear a helmut in public. Be prepared. Get bourbon.
Leave those tiny silver cups at home, we’re feeding a crowd. And by feeding I mean drinking a giant silver punch bowl filled with Mint Juleps. So get your Maker’s Mark, and a commercial ice crusher, and if you have the time, grow some mint! Or, you could just fake it and add in some mint simple instead. Stir it all up with some wild horses, and please, gentlemen, use a napkin.
Forget the picnic basket. Break out your wooden 6 Pack Holder and head outside for Spring Entertaining.
Throw out your sad winter blues and put some springy color into your bar and entertaining getup. Purple punch bowls? YES! Unbreakable green tumblers? Double yes. And if we’re packing up to head outside, let’s all agree to leave our heavy metal pineapples at home and sip on some lightweight dayglow ones instead. What’s in mine? Some lemon spiked gin all the way from Italy, and probably some pineapple ice cubes too. Rainy spring day? I’ll be hanging up some punchy booze art until the sun peeks out again. Happy Spring everyone!
What’s more sexy than your booze dripping in hot red wax? This year we’re skipping the bubbles and getting down to business.
Box of chocolates? Lame. Dozen roses? Done that! How about a dozen jelly shots? YASSSS! And nothing says I care like his & her flasks filled with something boozy and delicious. Except maybe having a bedside hangover remedy ready first thing the next morning. Staying in this weekend? Break out your finest pineapples and don’t forget the stirrer pizazz. But first, let’s scrub that pucker up with a good ol’ Mint Julep. There’s more than one way to enjoy a drink!
Come Christmas morning, I have to admit, I find the thrill of digging through a filled stocking almost more fun than opening the presents. One fun trinket after another (and there better be a damn chocolate orange in there). And yes, I may be in my 30’s but I still get a stuffed stocking. This year, fill your loved one’s with booze.
Just because the gift is small, doesn’t mean it’s cheap. A personal crystal shaker? Yes please and thank you. Now a little bourbon to fill it with. And a bourbon candle for extra bourbon-y goodness. Need to take that wine on the go (to your kid’s Christmas pageant?)? Got you covered. And if you can’t finish it all, put some lips on it. Expensive, bronze lips. Stir it all up with a few choice cacti and put a sock on it.
What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is yours but let’s not use a sharpie to personalize our cups anymore.
Instead, let’s engrave our barware, and hey, even our tequila! Vodka your thing? Say Merry Chrismukkah or whatever holiday you’re celebrating this year with bright LED lights flashing all over your liquor bottle. Drink so much of your bespoke homemade gin you forgot where you live? Put your street map on your rocks glass and never be lost again! And when you’ve just got to show off with glitter, say it with a big ass custom banner.
There’s a sizable stash of holiday movies in our house and I can’t throw them away…even if they are crappy transfers on DVD (or VHS!!!). If you hoard holiday classics, especially any of those 1960’s classics, you’ll recognize this song title. And if you don’t, who cares! Let’s get gifting…
Everyone wishes for silver and gold, so let’s add some sparkle to your holiday cocktails shall we? From glistening glasses, to heavy metal pineapples, and don’t forget the bottles that are pouring your booze! How do you measure its worth? Just by the pleasure it gives here on Earth (or your bar cart).
Technology can improve lives, make your day more efficient, or throw you down a hole filled with cartwheel fails. So! Let’s begin our annual holiday gift guides with a few boozy gadgets.
Technology brings us DUI savers and where Han Solo keeps his secret stash (well, maybe someday). A jackets that keep your beer cold and cocktail shakers that light up bold. You can pour yourself a perfectly layered shot, or impress your friends with a clear ice block. Glasses that freeze themselves? Yes! You can get them. Now sit back, spritz a little lemon in your glass, pour yourself a sparkly cocktail and catch up on Youtube videos of cats in pajamas or dogs that play pianos. Thanks technology!
Creaking door noises. Ghoulish wails. Someone breaking your favorite antique champagne coupe! THE HORROR!!!
Halloween is a holiday that transitions nicely from childhood to your drinking years. But don’t think that means you need to be serious. Are you a mad scientist this year? Perfect, there’s some glassware for that. Going more the cannibal route? Then giant skull punch bowl it is! If you’re done with the silly stuff, then make sure your booze is wearing a little black dress, and then decide whether to risk the nice glasses for serving or just some fancy paper cups instead. Me, I’ll be serving up some blood… blood oranges that is. Happy Haunting folks!
…Because nothing says I love you more than beating a brightly colored donkey until booze falls out of it.
Are you having that oh crap moment where you just remembered you need to buy some meaningless gift for someone by Saturday? Well, if you miss the date, make up for it with something so amazing they’ll totally forget they might dump you come Tuesday. A sexy bottle of Absinthe perhaps? What about a slightly sexualized cocktail shaker? And if you get to smooching, coat your lips in some Old Fashioned-flavored lip balm. If all else fails, gather up your friends and spend your hard earned cash on a gilded mid-century ice bucket. You deserve it.
I may not be the biggest lover of beer, but boy do I have a lot of friends who absolutely obsess over it. You might too. So this list is for YOU!
The accoutrements are important: the right glass, the right koozie (or is it cozy? or coozy? or.. whatever), the right growler, that coaster that tells people to stay the hell away cause that is YOUR glass. If you’re looking for a gift that keeps on giving, a subscription is always nice. And for that person who is never happy with what you give them, well, then they can make their own damn beer.